Part 1: Let’s Get to Work
Have you ever questioned your self-worth? Do you ever think no matter how hard you try at what you do, and/or for who you are, the effort isn’t good enough? You’re not alone.
We all have clandestine struggles, of which we knowingly or unknowingly cloak. We all long for acceptance. We all crave human interaction. These things are innate to our biology, whether we are an introvert or extrovert- the difference between those, being to what extent we compromise and direct our energy.
We get knocked down, whether intentionally or not, and concoct hypotheses instead of acknowledging words and actions as “they just are.” This learned mechanism links to control, which we all crave. We, as humans, demand a sense of order. Even in chaos, there is a regulated order, subconsciously put into place.
I’m going to write something that will make many people smirk, and for those folks more sensitive to change, they might even panic: let go.
You may think, “I don’t know how.” You may think, “I don’t need control.” You may think, “I’m fine pushing forward in the way I current am.” Are you? Moreover, are you being honest with yourself? Have you really given into choice, whether the choice is something you would be in agreement with -or- are helpless to the external factors and pressures that dictate change? Let me share with you how life-changing the latter is.
Choice is the ultimate power. It is the key to letting go. It is the key to true acceptance. It is the one undisputed truth in reality.
Say you’ve lost your job. Choose it, and choose a pathway forward. Say you’ve lost a loved one. Choose it, and you will begin the journey towards recovery. Whatever circumstances you are in, choose them. Whatever challenges you may be facing, acknowledge them (and acknowledge them out-loud if you can). State the situations exactly as they are. The facts. Not the assumptions. Not the takeaways. Just what was and what is- not “what will be,” because you simply do not -and- cannot know. You will almost immediately realize a sensation of calm. Why is this?
The reality we build for ourselves is inescapable. We are held both captive to it, and simultaneously we are its master. However, many of us do not know that second component, or might have discerned it, and quickly normalized it as a passing thought. If you take away everything we perceive as real, what is left? Nothing. And that’s exactly the place you want to be in. If there is nothing, there can be everything.
Words name things. Words give meaning. External factors inform our perception of those words, and suddenly they are real to us. Adjusting your verbiage course corrects perception over time. Yet, quicker, and more effective, is acknowledging that words mean nothing. In fact, all of this “around us” and “in our mind,” means nothing. Do not mistake this for nihilism, in our interpretation, when there is nothing left to stand in your way, you can choose to create, and creation is the most powerful and underutilized tool at your disposition. In grasping that, you can begin to create your own true perception of meaning, and it will allow you to own your future.
Believe me, in embracing this ideology, you will be unstoppable, unflappable, and present more with yourself, others, and your environment than you ever will have before. The only price this comes at, is practice, and it is practice that be enacted every single day, no exceptions, no break from this, in spite of what that little voice in your head tells you.
Know that we fuel words their power. Thoughts claim that power and that little voice in your head becomes a false authority that you willing trust. If you choose to sync those in unison, and go against the learned outcomes of behaviors, it will result in a paradigm shift of your reality. I’m also not advocating for “The Secret” because it is not as simple as putting it out there and weighing more positivity than negativity to get you your results. That’s positive self-hypnosis, but is also inaction, and wishful thinking ultimately is “just that”. Though there is a seed of truth “The Secret”. And what’s missing is acknowledging that good and bad can be, wonderful and terrible are by our own design, and the acceptance of both, and all, as your choice. Then, when your put it “out into the universe”, what you’re really doing is committing it to your integrity. From there, your integrity will act as your compass in creation.
I can’t tell you how many unspoken struggles I’ve had in my life.
I’ve have terrible financial hardships; lost major investments in entertainment; engaged abusive relationships; ignored fatalistic sickness; wandered in homelessness in my youth; almost lost my marriage to my professional ambitions; and within two-and-a-half weeks during my first semester in college, I lost six (6) lifelong friends to death: three (3) together from a car accident, one (1) from an OD, one (1) from a suicide, and one (1) shot dead as a gas station–those incidents coincided with me having contracted a norovirus that was widespread at my NYU dorm. I’ve had it just as rough as I’ve had it good. From my elaborate resume, you’d think I must’ve had a leg up, and had it all handed to me on a “silver platter.” Never did, never leveraged my relationships, and worked on myself, no, constantly and consistently work on myself, to achieve my successes. As my hardships go, there are many people with worse, who find themselves in the throes of battle.
The thing about our resolve is not staging the battlefield, rather knowing what direction you choose for yourself and how to best prepare for success in that direction. Many of us lose sight of that, let alone don’t even know that when we enter the “war theater” we set ourselves up for a fight we could otherwise have peaceably, to our own accord, and our own choosing.
There is a lot to digest here, so I’ll digress until next time. Let’s just call this, Part 1:
- Make a list, all of your major positive and negative life-events to date. Do not include any future projected events, as they have not yet occurred, and external perception is still governing your interpretation.
- Next, do a full body scan and see if you can think of any you may have hidden with traumas, or have masked events for which the extent of positive change from which you have benefitted have been substantial, and perhaps not yet accounted. Take as long as you need for this, and do not force it. Simply shut your eyes, and let your mind wander, with the intent of discovery.
- Once you’ve identified these occurrences, write them down, too.
- Finally, do this: write down and then communicate out loud the “why” these events have made you feel this way. Jot down perceptions first, and then do some mental forensics on the pathway to your deciding factors for the imprint that have left on you. See if you can spot any patterns. You’re going to find a surprise, and I won’t ruin it for you. We will though discuss that surprise next time.
In the meantime, be well, and remember that you are the creator of your future. Only you can do that. And you will get there if you self-search, and accept what others will deem for you as impossible, instead as accessible and attainable.
Until next time.