Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 10: Okay, Here We Go

By Tony Yamashiro
Monday 7, November 1998, Deck 6 Aft â Backstage after the first show H2O Las Vegas Revue Show
6 days after the passengers have boarded in San Francisco, off the coast of Mexico.
âTell me Barry, how is it that a tall handsome British gentleman like you isnât already taken?â I had my arm around his waist and I could feel his body stiffen up a bit as I said thisâŠUh ohâŠhere it comes.
I looked at Barry and he sheepishly said, âWell…Iâm not exactlyâŠcompletely freeâŠI have a wife and two kids back in Sheffieldâ.
âWTF?!â
Dear David,
I kept saying to myself âWTFâ as Iâm sitting backstage between shows.
We just opened H2O Las Vegas Revue Show and I am tired.
I thought 42nd Street was a marathon, but this show is a mad rush of costume changes mixed with scenery changes under or on fire escapes, oddly placed staircases, low ceilings, and guests walking through our backstage area.
Oh, and letâs not get started on the forever moving floor that shifts without notice.
This show is hosted by the female singer in a mermaid costume with matching headpiece of large clam shell, all covered in crystals and sequins. Any song that has ever been sung in a movie or on stage that had a water reference was used in this show. Itâs quite a clever use of material and amazing choreography that ties the numbers together.
So, itâs been two weeks since I had that ice bucket of news that Barry dumped on my head. I put my glass down and just walked away without saying another word to Barry. Every step I took away from him, the more I regretted even taking a chance to opening my heart again.
The only thought in my mind was finding Alan to sort this shit out in my head.
I went down to the crew bar and since all the rehearsals were done I knew I would find Alan there. Sure enough he was sitting with a very large and burly crew member wearing a very dirty boiler suit. The look on Alanâs face and placement of his right arm under the table, I think I caught him with his hand in the cookie jar (really, he had his hand in someoneâs cookie jar)…Alan looked up at the moment and saw me walking into the crew bar and pulled his hand out the cookie jar and waved me over.
I walked right to the bar and called out across to the empty room to Alan and his special friend, âanother round?â
As I brought over our drinks to Alanâs table, Alan turned to his friend and said, âPer, I need to talk with my friend, can you excuse us?â He said this while sliding his key card across the table to Per.
Accepting the key card, Per got up standing almost 6 foot, 5â tall and extended his hand to me and I accepted his handshake. âI am Per, head bosunâŠif you need me and my boys to tie up someone who needs a time out upside down off the back of the ship, just let me know.â His voice was a deep bass and I think I pooped my pants right there, âOkay Per, I will do that.â I shook his paw-like hand and he bowed his head and left the crew bar without another word.
Alan started laughing and said, âMaybe we could pitch this idea to the Cruise Director and tie Barry up like a Mexican piñata off the back of the ship and let the passengers at him.â
I looked at Alan and said, âHow do you find these guys without a GPS?â
“Itâs my God given talent and I donât ask why, I just enjoy itâŠnow what the hell happened to you My Dear, what did the bad boy do to you?â
âThat mother fucker is married with two kids!â Alan had a very confused look on his face, he spoke very slowly letting the words sink in, âHe is married with two kidsâŠSweet JesusâŠthe mother fucker is married to a woman and has two kidsâ, exclaimed Alan, clutching an imaginary string of pearls around his neck.
âThank you for catching up AlanâŠgrammar is not at the top of my list when Iâm pissed offâ, I scoffed. Alan looked at my face and saw the hurt in my eyes.
âHere I thought I was starting what seemed to be a lovely romance and what I find is yet another closeted coward who wants âherâ cheesecake and eat it tooâ, I said sounding defeated.
Alan was very quiet and then said, âIâve been the woman before and itâs not funâŠat least he was up front with you from the start. I dated this guy who didnât say a word until his wife was introduced to me at an opening night of a show we were both working on. She introduced herself as his wife and I was so shocked and all I could say was, “ohâŠI pound your husband like a Mexican piñataâŠwonderful to meet you.â
Holding my drink in mid sip, I looked at Alan and proudly said, âOh GirlâŠyour balls are made of titanium.â
âWell, you donât need to pretend…he took a vow of marriage, I didnât. Maybe this is a good thing Tony. Have some fun and donât look for marriage, look for ânowâ. You My Dear are living the cruise; you found love and lost it way too soon. You now have to find yourself in the crazy world; itâs just that some couples have different agreements with each other. What was your response to his news?â asked Alan.
âWTF was all I could say and then put my glass down and walked away without a word. I wasnât going to throw my drink in his face or push him overboard, itâs not like we slept togetherâŠIâm just learning to trust again and he knew that. I think thatâs what hurts the most.â
At that moment Zach walked into the crew bar and headed over to us, âEverything okay Boo? You look upset.â
I caught Zach up to date on Barry as Alan grabbed us another round of drinks. âI had no idea that Barry was bi; let alone a wife and kids. Thatâs the thing with shipsâŠout of sight, out of mind.”
Alan brought our drinks over. He handed Zach his drink and he took a sip and looked me right in the eyes and said, âIâm not defending Barry, but at least he was up front and told youâŠsome guys say nothing and you find out the hard way. The rules on ships are a harsh game. Have fun, but protect your heart.â
As we were talking, the crew bar began filling up. Whole departments were walking in now since the ship was still without passengers, everyone was pretty much on the same schedule.
Like a professor of ethology, Zach began describing the room to usâŠâSteiners are the party girls, youth coordinators are the âoffering tableââŠusually to young theatre technicians. Young Officers are on the lookout for female dancers, itâs your Disneyâs Circle of LifeâŠbut it’s survival.
Everyone is fighting being away from family and friendsâŠfighting the loneliness and the feeling of isolation while still being surrounded by hundreds of people.
See those ladies over there standing next to the DJ booth? Those are the barracuda stalking their prey in the room. See the boys over in the back corner in âJamaican Cornerâ? Those are the piranhas, they will eat anything.â
Both Alan and I laughed out loud; Alan shriekedâŠâItâs Lion Country Safari at its best!â
At that moment, Barry walked into the crew bar and both Zach and Alan grabbed their imaginary pearl necklaces around their necks at the same time and both exclaimed, âOh Girl!â
Barry walked right up to our talk and said, âTonyâŠcan we talk?â
Before I could answer, both Zach and Alan disappeared without a word to the far end of the bar.
I was only 2 drinks in, so I was in complete control of my emotions.
âOkay, Iâm listening.â
Standing in front of me with his hands deep in his pockets of his jeans, he looked sheepishly at me and said, âCan I buy you a drink and go somewhere to talkâŠprivately?â He said âprivatelyâ looking over at my 2 sisters at the bar pretending not to be watching.
âI’d rather stay near my friends right now, but yes⊠you can buy me a drink and we can talk.â
As he walked over to the bar, I looked at Zach and Alan and they were miming to me âShould we stay near or go?â I waved to them to stay at the bar.
Barry brought our drinks over and before he put the cups down he said, âIâm sorry TonyâŠI prefer to put the cards on the table when I am starting to have feelings for someone else.â I pausedâŠâfeelingsâ âYes, Iâm married and I have 2 kids at home, I was very young when I got married and most of my life has been at sea. Iâm not even sure if I am gay, bi, or whateverâŠI just know what I feel and who I enjoy spending my time with. How about we just enjoy each other and see where this leads us? You have just started a one year contract and I will be here for the next 6 months.â
âDifferent rules for different couplesâ, is all I kept saying in my head. I let this thought roll around in my head for a few minutes.
âWell, you havenât thrown your drink in my face yet, so I guess there is still some hope.â I noticed a slight nervous tone in his voice.
I looked at him standing there with that handsome goofy smile on his face and said, âMother raised me rightâŠwe do not waste good liquor on drama, we drink good liquor to put us in the mood for drama. Okay, Barry I get itâŠlet’s take this one step at a time. I do have a questionâŠdoes she know?â
âYes, againâŠI prefer to be up front and we have a âdonât ask, donât tell unless itâs going to change both our lives’ agreement.â
âHow progressiveâ, I said jokingly.
Barry raised his plastic cup and I joined my cup with his⊔to new beginning and new experiencesâŠcheers.â Our cups made a dull thump as our cups met.
Barry jokingly said, âThis would have been more romantic on deck 8 Aft with the sunset in the distance and not under the swirling disco lights of the crew bar.â
âWell My Dear, you have some planning to do.â I smiled and kissed himâŠwe were standing right in the middle of the crew bar, but he didnât care and wrapped his arms around me. In the corner of my eye I looked at the bar to my sisters and they were toasting us and giving each other a high five.
In my head I said, âNew rules and new experiencesâŠokay, here we go.â
Donât miss any Tales Of Cruise Ship Life excerpts from The Floating City of Misfit Toys by Tony Yamashiro:
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 9: WTF?
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 8:Â Maybe This Time
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 7:Â Time To Explore A New World
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 6:Â Release The Pigeons!
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 5: Lights Out
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 4: The Eyeballs Are The Best Part
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 3: Hello My Old Friend
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 2: The Bat Signal
Return to Tales Of Cruise Ship Life, Part 1: Dream